We have all had times when things aren’t so great in our relationship with our husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Communication can get misread, you feel misunderstood and external stresses pile up, all seeming to erode the connection and closeness you once shared.
There is a plethora of relationship advice out there and it can feel overwhelming and frustrating. Most people either end up in counselling when things get really bad or they stick their head in the sand hoping things will improve on their own or when outer circumstances get “better”.
Counselling may help but unless there is a focus on this one simple, but often missed ingredient, the cycle can often just come back around months or years down the track.
The one thing that we must remember is that outer circumstances come and go. Sometimes they are good and at other times they are extremely challenging. What I want to share with you is so simple and obvious that it is often completely overlooked and its value underestimated and that is being present.
People have so much trouble being present just with themselves and then we enter into relationship where being present and truly being in touch with the moment and what it’s asking of you is paramount to lasting connection and happiness. To become fully present with ourselves before we can be present with another, we may firstly need to undertake deep healing work. If we are disconnected with the present moment ourselves we can’t expect to show up fully in a relationship and deeply connect with another.
Men will be familiar with their wives or girlfriend being frustrated and saying “You never listen to me” or “You’re not emotionally available!” Of course they are not feeling heard but beneath that they are not FEELING your presence. When you are not present then opening your heart will be virtually an impossible task.
A woman will intuitively know if a man is really truly present with her unless she has been the victim of abuse and has unresolved trauma that needs healing. I’ll leave trauma for another post but for now lets look at the amazing connection we can nurture when we are present with each other.
When we are present with each other we feel
Nurtured
Emotionally connected
Heard
Understood
Loved
Joyful
Alive
These are just some of the benefits that begin to weave their way through every interaction we have within our relationship whether that be during challenging times or fun times. Of course our emotional landscape is a complex one and we can feel angry, frustrated or any number of “negative” emotions. However it’s when we experience these challenging things whilst being completely present that a gateway for communication and connection with an open heart begins to show itself.
Tune into your body right now and sense what is going on for you. Is it difficult because you are lost in your thoughts, worry or anxiety? Is your body tense, tired, fatigued? How well do you think we can show up for our partner when we are so disconnected from ourselves and the present moment.
Mindfulness practices may seem an indirect way to improve your relationship however it is imperative. Whether you opt for meditation, Qi Gong, Tai Chi or just spending time connecting with nature, you will begin to cultivate the ability to stay present. This is then the gift you give to your partner, and your relationship, helping it to blossom and thrive.
When working with either individuals or couples cultivating presence through awakening and healing underpins everything I do. Without this it’s like building a tower without any foundations. Unlikely to withstand the strong winds or provide protection.
To create strong foundations for any relationship we need self awareness, self responsibility, compassion, integrity, honesty, authenticity, growth and commitment as our building blocks
For information on how I can help contact me at info@savita.com.au