Awakening and deep healing will come up against all that is in conflict and confusion within us. One area, that for a vast majority of people this subconscious internal conflict is the case, is in the area of sexuality.
Sexual shame and confusion are passed down from one generation to the next and the more it is suppressed and repressed the more shadowy it gets. Healing the wounds linked to our sexuality allows its authentic, healthy and free expression to eventually come into being. For some on the path the sexual instinct falls away completely for others it comes into a natural balance for their individual make up, not dictated by wounds, familial conditioning, trauma and shame.
What falls away as you heal is the need to get anything from sexuality. When we are using our sexuality to cover over and soothe wounds and to have egoic needs met, the truth of what is happening underneath inevitably gets pushed further down into the subconscious and thus becomes part of the shadow that people may be afraid to face. Then the shadow gets expressed in some very unhealthy ways.
How we show up with intimacy of any kind and specifically with sexual intimacy often reflects our attachment styles combined with other wounding and shame. It is a hot mess of everything in ourselves that we may run from. Avoidant attachment styles will subconsciously block the heart connection within sexual intimacy, as this level of intimacy is frightening for them. They are usually totally unaware of the level of fear around intimacy until the subconscious begins to come to light.
This can manifest in either withdrawal from sexual intimacy and as a shadow aspect can be expressed as anger, either passive or overt and frustration. It can also manifest as overindulgence in sexual activities that only connect at the base and sacral chakra which can leave people feeling empty, unfulfilled and blocks the energetic movement of awakening upwards through the higher chakras. If you are specifically interested in kundalini and the energetic component of awakening, I’d highly recommend Bonnie Greenwell.
Other attachment styles manifest in different ways with the ambivalent attachment style wanting to merge in an unhealthy way to soothe the fear of abandonment and the disorganised style of attachment being a mixture of both avoidant and ambivalent. If you’re interested in learning more about attachment styles I’d recommend looking at the work of Dianne Poole Heller.
Either way, true healthy sexual intimacy and an unfolding of your true natural sexuality is not really possible until these deeper wounds have been brought into conscious awareness and healed. Then this one aspect of intimacy within the human form can be freed from any demands and celebrated in a safe and joyful way.